Thursday, April 26, 2012

Funny Stories About The Priest

Funny Stories
A priest, in urgent need to use the bathroom, walks into a local bar. The bar is jumping with loud music and lively conversation, but every few minutes the lights abruptly go off. Every time the lights go off, the bar crowd bursts into loud whoops and applause, but when they see the priest enter the bar, the place becomes absolutely quiet.
  
The priest walks over to the bartender and asks, "Can you please tell me where your bathroom is?"
  
"Sure, but I have to tell you, father, there's a statue of a naked woman in it and she?s wearing only a fig leaf."
  
"No problem, I'll just avert my eyes, then," Said the priest.
  
The bartender then shows the priest to the far side of the bar where the bathroom is located. After a short while, the priest comes out of the bathroom and the bar crowd pauses only long enough to give him a rousing cheer. Perplexed he goes over to the bartender and asks, I'm puzzled. Why did they cheer for me as I came out of the bathroom just now?"
  
"Well, father, it's because your curiosity has made you human and likeable, just like us," said the bartender. "May I pour you a drink?"
  
"No thanks you, but, I'm still puzzled," said the priest.
  
"You see, father," chuckles the bartender, "every time somebody moves the fig leaf on the naked woman statue, the bar lights go off. Now, what do you say to that drink?"
  
Well Sulio's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. "Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!" Sulio says "Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!" but Sulio's boss says "No you weren't!" then Sulio says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck's house. Sulio knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Sulio goes "Tom!!!" and Tom goes "Sulio!" and they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio's boss can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that could happen, it's just one person," so he tells Sulio and Sulio says "OK, pick somebody else!"
  
This time Sulio's boss has someone in mind! "The president, Bill Clinton! You don't know Bill Clinton!" but Sulio says "Oh yes I do! Bill and I were on debate team together in college!" Sulio's boss says "No you weren't!" and Sulio says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Washington and they catch up with the President at a press conference. They work their way through the crowd until Sulio get's close enough to catch Clinton's eye and waves "Bill!" and the President waves "Sulio!" and after the press conference they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio's boss is stunned-- he can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that's just two people in one country-- that doesn't mean he knows everyone in the whole world!" so he tells Sulio and Sulio says "OK, pick someone out of the world spectrum and I know them!"
  
And Sulio's boss knows just who to pick so he says "The Pope! You do not know the Pope!" and Sulio says "The Pope! The Pope BAPTIZED me!" and Sulio's boss says "No he didn't!" and Sulio says "Yes he did!" so they fly to Rome where the Pope is giving Mass in front of hundreds of thousands of people. They work their way through the crowd-- without much luck-- so Sulio says "Boss, we're never gonna get there together through all these people so I tell you what--I'll work my way up there and when I do, I'll give you a sign that shows you I know the Pope!" and he leaves. Well Sulio's boss waits and waits and waits and just when he's about to give up, he sees the Pope come out onto the balcony and right there beside him is Sulio!
  
Shortly afterwards, Sulio's boss passes out. Sulio comes back and finds his boss passed out and he fans him and says "Boss! Boss! Wake up!" and when his boss comes to, he asks "Boss what happened?" Sulio's boss looks at Sulio and says "OK, I can see Tom Selleck. I can see Bill Clinton...hell, I can even take the Pope! But when somebody standing next to me asks 'Who's that up there with Sulio?' that's a little more than I can take!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Funny Stories To Brighten Your Day



funny stories
I'm about to give you some "funny anecdotes" as to make you laugh

After meal, I took two children, one boy and one young lady to a close by slope where I invested my delighted child decades. In another concept, I would like to choose up my previous storage and to flavor it. Along the way, the little boy leaped up and down happily. And so was with that young lady. We took some images and sang music. We saw no one but a man who was gathering some wood. What a basic position other than the children's a sense of fun. I had a discussion with the slope. I said friendly: "Mr. Slope, do you know me? I am Alice. I was your consistent guest at once." Mr. Slope does not response instantly. But soon he believed of me. He said excitedly: "oh, it's you, Alice. Period of your energy and effort no see. How I pass up you, favorite. How are you?" I responded to with a low tone: I am excellent. I pass up you, too. I am sorry that I come to check out you until now. But why you are all bared now?" "It's ok, favorite. Miss. Shrub was gone, yet another Miss. pine will come to secure me. Am I unattractive now?" he said, amusingly.


An excellent modify arises here. All the plants were cut down, bared completely. And a huge item of simply was missing. I waste it. On our way to a new designed platform, the last direction hardly can be seen clearly. So we created a new direction which was complete of thorns and woodlands. "No, I dropped down, and my pants were damaged. Wait!" I reported. Then the little boy came to me and took the thorns away. "Follow me, please. I'll take you a side." He said it with a soothing overall tone. But he was really little, only 12 decades of age. The young lady just chuckled at me and created experience to me. I was rather shy. Yet I debatably said: It is because my sneakers were a bit rear foot. If I use smooth higher heel, I am sure I shall not tumble down. Ok?"Several minute's disagreement, we went on our move. If only you are my knight in shining armor amazing. Aha, daydreaming! After getting to the platform, we checked around and performed for a while. At duration, we hurriedly came house, since it was going to be black. What an amazing move.

funny stories

My wife loves to watch the show, A Baby Story, everyday. She starting watching it a year ago when she was pregnant with our son, because she wanted to try to get an idea what labor would be like. Now she watches, because she wants to reminisce about the birth of our son, and look forward to having our next child. Personally I think that this show is boring, but recently I heard a baby story of a different kind. Here is how the story went.

The girl was nineteen years old with no boyfriend in the picture anymore. She was working full time to try to make ends meet, and she was getting very anxious for the baby to be born. One morning before she had to be at work, she went to the doctor's office for a checkup. The doctor checked her and told her that she was in labor, and she needed to go to the hospital to be delivered. She said cool, and then she asked do I need to go to the hospital now, or can I go after work. The doctor politely told her that she did not have to go to the hospital immediately, but that she could only go home and get her a bag ready for the hospital stay. She asked if it would be ok if she got something to eat, and he said he did not advise it. Next thing you know she is in the drive-thru line at Whataburger trying to get something to eat, and a guy backed into the driver side of her truck. Remember now that she is in active labor. She can not get out of the driver side door, so she drags her big, nine months pregnant belly out the passenger side door. The man saw her condition, and got so worried he fainted. Now a nine month pregnant women is sitting in the parking lot at Whataburger, in active labor, fanning a man trying to revive him. Once she got home, her mother rushed her to the hospital. After a few hours of labor a beautiful baby boy was born, and both mother and baby were healthy. I don't know about you, but if A Baby Story was this interesting everyday, I think I would tune in a lot more often.


Time marches on and I haven't recognized that elements have modified a lot. I'm an individual that lives on the last. I still can remember many elements occurred years ago, even when I was three or four. Sometimes I'm abraded by them.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Best Dentist Jokes You'll Ever Come Across

"My God! I just can't stand my son!"
"Why? Is he a dentist?"

Dentists are people we simply love to hate. Let's face it, if there is any profession that is universally hated in the world, it is dentistry. You avoid your dentist like the plague, right until your tooth reaches such a stage where it resembles a World War II graveyard, only after which you go to the dentist. And then, of course you return complaining and cribbing about how much your tooth hurts, but how bad your dentist is. All said and done, something that will help elevate your mood is some dentist jokes, which will help dentists and patients alike see the lighter side of this noble profession with the help these silly jokes.

Funny Dentist Jokes

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled,
and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth
as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed.
"You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie...

"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.
"Good God!" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen, the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "Okay Doc!" replied the patient.
"I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice."
"I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo."

Short Dentist Jokes

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."
"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."

What does the dentist of the year get? A little plaque

What game did the dentist play when she was a child? Caps and robbers

What does a dentist do on a roller coaster? He braces himself

What was the dentist doing in Panama? Looking for the Root Canal

Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth straightened?"
"Twenty thousand bucks" replied the dentist. Patient heads for the door.
Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?"
"To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent."

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $200
Patient: $200 for just a few minutes worth work?!
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly, if you like.

Old man: "Darling, your teeth remind me of the stars"
Old woman: "Because they gleam and sparkle?"
Old man: "No, because they come out at night!"

Best Dentist Jokes

"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist." said the man to the receptionist. "I'm sorry sir." she replied, "He's out right now, but..." "Thank you," interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again ?"

Pardon me for a moment, please," said the dentist to the patient, "but before beginning this work I must have my drill."
"Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably. "Can't you pull a tooth without a rehearsal?"

Edward: "Have you ever come across a man who, at the slightest touch, caused you to thrill and tremble in every fiber of your being?"
Lucy: "Yes, the dentist."

Dentist: Don't worry. I'm painless.
Patient: I'm not.
Patient: Doc, what should I do with all the gold and silver in my mouth?
Dentist: Don't smile in a bad neighborhood.

At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).

Q: What's the difference between a dentist and a New York Yankee fan?
A: One yanks for the roots and the other roots for the Yanks.

What to do you call an old dentist? A bit long in the tooth

Dentist Jokes for Kids

A little boy was taken to the dentist where he was told that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "What kind of filling would you like for that carious tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the young kid.

Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it.

Ginny: Daddy, when I grow up, shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor?"
Dad: Dentist honey
Ginny: Why father?
Dad: We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!

Johnny was sitting in the waiting room after getting his tooth extracted. The receptionist asked him how he was feeling. "I'm okay" he said, "but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used during the extraction." "What did he say?" asked the nurse alarmed. "Oops!" replied Johnny.

So this was all about the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth. As Murphy would have said, you will always acutely suffer from a toothache only after the nearest dental clinic has shut down. So for the time being, you can instead have a good laugh with these dentist jokes, which are short hilarious jokes, that are bound to leave you in splits, because, as your dentist will tell you, laughter is the best medicine!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Enjoy Reading An Interesting Funny Children’s Story

As a child I remember being addicted to books that helped me to enter a whole new world. This world was always full of fantasy and magic, one where the good always scored over the evil. There were many children’s stories that taught so many lessons that are best imbibed at an early age. These stories were interesting with a touch of humor and always entertaining to read. Here, I shall present an interesting funny children’s story that is an attempt to interest children to enjoy reading as a hobby as well as, learn a new lesson to mold them into a better person for tomorrow.

An Interesting Funny Children’s Story:
Little Amanda was on her usual walk by the woods. She loved this time of the evening, the beautiful yellows and reds of the flowers contrasted well upon the green leaves. Little Amanda was engrossed in her thoughts and this evening she took on a different path that led her towards the insides of the woods. (Amanda was well aware of her mother’s warnings to avoid that path.) Suddenly, breaking free from her thoughts, Amanda realized the trees looked greener and darker and the atmosphere suddenly seemed dull and gloomy. Terrified she looked around to find her way back. As she raced across the ground, she ran helter-skelter in any direction. Finally tired, she lay beneath a large tree.

To her amazement, a little goblin ran towards her. He beckoned her to follow him. The goblin had a rough appearance and a mean expression. Terrified, she followed him quietly. Amanda knew not what it was and walked slowly behind him. As he approached a clearing, Amanda saw a strange sight. There were pretty little cottages and neat driveways. Goblins were having a merry time laughing and gorging on pies and cakes. Suddenly, Amanda stiffened. By her right, she saw a group of little children like her, toiling away and clearing the garden. They were dressed in tattered clothing and few of them were weeping bitterly. Amanda realized she had also become a slave to these rather mean goblins. Just as she realized the truth, the goblin grabbed her by the arm and pushed her roughly towards the sad children. Perplexed, there was only one thought that ran through her mind, ‘How shall I escape with all these girls and boys?’

Amanda was asked to change into rags and forced to join the groups of little boys and girls. She toiled till dinnertime cleaning all the doors and windows of the house that belonged to the horrid goblin. Hungry, she tugged the sleeve of the goblin hoping for some food. He pushed a stale loaf of bread under her nose and said, ‘That’s your meal for the night’. A rather tired Amanda was pushed into a messy room with other children for the night. Weeping, she collapsed onto a pile of straw. Suddenly she remembered her kind mother’s words about every problem having a solution. She decided she would solve this rather than weep over it. Prayers were something she believed in and she knelt down on the floor in hope for some answer.

Suddenly, there was a slight sound and Amanda opened her eyes to see a beautiful fairy seated before her. The fairy held her hand gently and told her there is way out. The horrid goblin stored all his magical powers in a beautiful porcelain doll and this doll, once broken, would free them from the clutches of the goblins.

Amanda thought deeply about this porcelain doll. ‘It must be in this house itself and close to him’ she pondered. By midnight, she happened to escape from a small window and enter the house from the backside. Her search gave her no fruitful results. That was when she entered the bedroom of the bad goblin and happened to see it by his bedside, a tall beautiful porcelain doll, radiant in the moonlight that streamed in from the window.

Scared and excited, she lunged for it but woke up the goblin as she bumped into his wooden bed. In a rage the goblin attacked her but Amanda was quicker. Throwing the doll outside the window, she yelled with happiness. The moment it crashed Amanda felt someone push her!

Startled she looked around to find her kind mother looking towards her with great surprise. ‘Why did you just throw your favorite doll around? Were you having a bad dream?’, asked Amanda’s mother. Amanda woke up bleary eyed and was pleased to find herself back in her room. Her mother than warned her, ‘How many times I have told you to avoid the woods? Do not venture towards that area’. Amanda answered meekly, ‘Yes’. Her mother further said rather sternly, ‘besides, you must not gorge so much on sweets and pies during meal times. A balanced meal is what it should be.’

Agreeing meekly, Little Amanda rushed out into the garden to play with her doll. And lo and behold, there was a tiny note placed there near the gooseberry bush that said ‘Thank you for freeing us from the bad goblins. Please accept our token of thanks!’ Amazed Amanda wondered it this was true or was it the result of too many pies and cakes! She found a tiny fairy doll beside the bush. Perplexed, she picked it up and walked back to her room. She realized from this very day, she should obey her mother and avoid going to places that were considered inappropriate. Nor would she gorge on sweets or ever be greedy at meal times! Probably this was a funny way of learning a lesson for little Amanda. If not for the kind fairy, Amanda would have still been stuck with other girls and boys toiling away for the horrid goblin.

I think that was a well-deserved lesson for Amanda. I would not want to bump into that horrid goblin! I am sure you don’t want to as well, don’t you?

Monday, April 2, 2012

Share Funny Jokes With Your Friends To Cheer Up Your Day

"The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter." ~ Mark Twain

Laughter is indeed the best medicine when it comes to curing ailments related to stress, depression, etc. Though a person may be tied down by work pressure or stress, laughter adds cheer and a streak of color to his dull life. In this article, you will find the funniest jokes ever, that will make your sides hurt as you laugh your heart out. So be it cracking jokes or listening to them, it triggers a feeling of relaxation which combats stress. Here are some of the funniest gags that are sure to bundle you up in laughter.

Funniest Jokes in the World

Who doesn't love to listen to jokes? Listening to jokes is one way to de-stress oneself. Given below are a few hilarious jokes, that are sure to have you rolling down the aisle. Check out these funny one line jokes as well for that extra zing.

A business executive visits his dear Chinese friend in the hospital. "Li kai yang qi guan," says the sick man feebly. The executive desperately wants to help him, but he doesn't speak Mandarin. "Li kai yang qi guan!" says the patient, as he draws his last breath. Later that year, the executive is in Shanghai on business when he finally learns the meaning of Li kai yang qi guan: "Get off my oxygen tube."

"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog." (Scene from one of the old Pink Panther films)

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Sheikh's son goes to Germany to study. A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: "Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train." Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: "Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too."

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news".
"Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible", said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans. One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven. Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost. A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?". "Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya. First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!". "Thank God!" Joe shouts... "That is the bad news?!". "You're pitching tomorrow."

Employer: "We need someone responsible for this job."
"Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was responsible."

Doctor: Have you taken my advice and slept with the window open?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: So your asthma disappeared completely?
Patient: No, but my watch, TV, iPod, and laptop have.

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?" A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead." After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"