We Can Enjoy Ourselves In The Fanny Story

This is a true story about something which happened to me around ten years ago. It is a story I have told to many people and it always seems to raise a smile and a few laughs, I hope you enjoy it to.

I was about twenty-two years of age and went on an evening out with a few friends. There were about six of us going out that night and it was obvious to me that my friends were planning on making it a big one, for example that they were hoping to get very drunk.

Now I have to admit that I am a bit of a lightweight when it comes to drinking alcohol, I always seem to become drunk far quicker than what my friends seem to and it also makes me feel very low and ill on the next day.

On this particular evening we had had a good night, everything had gone well, we all got on alright with each other and there was no trouble. I only mention this as these so called friends are not exactly the most desirable of people and are not the kind of people you can trust or rely on, as you will see later.
I had basically drank far too much and was very drunk, I was easily led at this age, well this is my excuse anyway. After we left the bar after last orders, I was ready to go home to my bed but my friends started talking about going for a curry at a local indian restaurant. I did not really feel very hungry but did not want to go home on my own so I decided to go along with them.

After ordering my food I started to feel quite ill and thought that I might actually be sick. What I needed I thought to myself was some fresh air. I went and asked the waiter if he could make the food that I had ordered as a take away and told him that I would be waiting outside near to the front door.
I also of course told my friends that I was going to wait for them outside as I was not feeling well. They started laughing at me and calling me names etc. At that stage I did not really care.

I sat outside and hoped that I would soon start to feel better. About ten minutes later the waiter came out and gave me my food etc. The next thing that I remember was feeling very cold. I had actually fell asleep on a step near the restaurant and woke up a number of hours later. I could not believe that my friends had just left me there and had not been bothered to wake me up.

I was in a bit of a daze and it was very dark, the time was about four in the morning. I tried to get myself together and to think about how I was going to get home. I then noticed that my food had been taken, someone had stolen my curry! To this day I still do not know who took it as my friends are adamant that they didn't. Who would do such a thing?

Looking For A New job




  12 Reasons to be of good cheer if you are looking for a New Job:
1. This year more than any other, there is NO stigma to being out of work. Period. If you are between jobs, hold your head high and tell others what you are looking for. They would love to help you.
2. Most people consider the holidays the worst time of the year to find a new job. This completely false myth cuts down on your competition, as other job candidates back off on their job search until January. Staying on course can help you jump out ahead of everyone else.
3. Yes the economy is picking back up slowly, but it IS picking back up. The client who started her new job this week is proof, as is the very, very high number of promising opportunities other clients are being considered for.
4. There is ALWAYS first quarter hiring. Managers are planning for 2011, including staffing needs.
5. It's a perfect season for job creation: get in front of the person who should be over the job you'd do, and show them how you can save them money, make them money or solve a problem. Help them build you into their Q1 2011 plan. (Note: offering to work on contract even sweetens the deal by reducing the risk to put you on the payroll)
6. The holidays offer a natural reason to reach out and reconnect with lost friends and business acquaintances. It is also the season to touch your network again and offer them good wishes.
7. There are always fantastic, single day or short-term opportunities to volunteer during the holidays. You'll feel good helping those less fortunate, have something positive to talk about at holiday social events, and just might meet someone who can help you land that job you want.
8. Catching up with others gives you a perfect, natural occasion to plant the seed of what you are looking for.When someone asks what you've been up to, be upbeat, clear and concise about what you offer/are looking to do. Let them know what you’d appreciate them keeping an ear out for.
9. The holidays offer a high concentration of social events and opportunities to network. More than any other year, there is no stigma to being out of work, so get out there and chat with people. Don’t shy away from events and occasions to network!
10. At holiday events you have easier access to talk to literally anyone you'd care to meet, including higher level managers.
11. It can be easier to get informational interviews when work slows a bit and only a percentage of staff is left in the office. Managers are also more likely to answer their own phones and emails.
12. People are generally feeling more good will toward others. If you've been stalling about asking a networking contact for an introduction, the holidays are a great time to ask for that favor.
Bonus - 13. Many companies have a "use it or lose it" policy regarding open positions rolling over into the New Year. I've seen hiring decisions move at lightning speed when the right person was found and the deadline to get them on the books was approaching fast.
I have two clients who've been hired for positions that start in January. In previous years I've helped a client iron out the particulars of an offer that included a company-preferred start date of December 30. I've had a client receive his written offer by courier on Christmas Eve, and another that was invited to the company Christmas party as his first introduction to his new staff.

A Funny Story About Weight Loss Plan

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week.

Bar Translations Funny

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."

--I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.

"I'm not used to these darts."

--I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this bombed.

"You get this one, next round is on me."

--We won't be here long enough to get another round.

"I'll get this one, next one is on you."

--Happy hour is about to end....now drafts are a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.

"I haven't seen you around here for a long time."

--You stuck up little -----, too good for your old friends??

"Hey, where is that friend of yours?"

--I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.

"Lets get out of here."

--I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley guy's helmet.

"Ever try a body shot?" (female to male)

--If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?

"I don't feel well, let's go home." (female)

--You are paying more attention to your friends than me.

"I don't feel well, lets go home." (male)

--I'm horny.

"I've had like 10 beers already."

--I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.

"Who's got the next round?"

--I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.

"Excuse Me." (male to male)

--Get the f--- out of the way.

A Funny Story About Duck Hunting

He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on.
In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the nw Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.
Now, these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the new Navigator truck), and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite as far away as they can.
Remember a couple of sentences back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns, and the dog??
Let's talk about the dog: it's a highly trained Labrador used for RETRIEVING. Especially well trained at retrieving things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming.
One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 birdshot, hardly big enough to stop a Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator truck..
The men continue to yell as they run away. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master.
Then --BOOM-- the truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened"look on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments!!!
And you thought your day was not going well.