After I landed at the Detroit airport, I was looking for Delta’s Skyclub to relax, recharge, and freebie drinks. Since my layover was about 3 hours, I was in no hurry to find one. I checked the “You Are Here” map and saw that there was one on either side of Concourse A. Since I was on the north side of the concourse, I thought I was lucky and could find it right away. I walked around and around and could not see it. There was no sign anywhere that told you where the damn club was. So I thought I’d go to the upper level and took the train to the other side of the concourse to find the club there. Once I got to the upper level, the club was right there. Duh! Why was there no sign anywhere that put an arrow pointing up to tell idiots like me how to find the club?
I stood in front of the automatic doors and nothing happened. I knocked. And knocked. Nothing happened. How odd. I had to go to the other side anyway if they wouldn’t let me into this one. I boarded the train and began my journey to the other side of the world. Once I got there, same thing happened. Doors were tightly shut. Automatic doors were not automatic at all. Then I saw the tiniest sign by the door that told you the club closed on Saturdays.
I was annoyed. Why Saturdays? Why not Sundays? Or Mondays just to piss of those business people? I took the train back to the south side since my boarding gate was there. I began to enjoy the train rides.
Since there was no club, I’d better find a seat that was close to an outlet so I could charge my dying phone and dying laptop. Then I saw a gate agent. I thought I’d nothing to lose and ask her why Delta decided to close clubs on Saturdays in Detroit.
Me: Excuse me. Why is the Skyclub closed today?
Agent: Closed? They’re not closed. The main one is open. Only the two satellite ones on both sides of the concourse are closed.
Me: Main one? There is a main one?
Agent: You are new to Detroit, aren’t you? Hahahaha…
Me: Hahahaha… Yes. Very new. (I sang) Like a virgin…
Agent: The main one is located near gate 41. Take the train and get off at the first stop. The club is there.
Me: I feel like a silly goose. I took the train all the way to the other side and found the club closed. I then took the train all the way back here. I didn’t even know there was one right in between.
I thanked her and got on my way. Fortunately, I had 3 hours because I needed every minute of them to find the “SECRET CLUB.”
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Where’s the Beef?
The 47-year-old Louisianan became upset Sunday night when her bottle of “Tequila Rose,” a strawberry cream liqueur, would not fit in the freezer at her Houma home. She expressed her displeasure by removing a frozen slab of beef and flinging it at her boyfriend’s head, according to cops.The meat hit its mark, opening a bloody gash on the face of Jerry Voisin, her live-in 51-year-old beau.As a result, Verdin was arrested for aggravated battery, according to a press release from Terrebonne Parish Sheriff Vernon Bourgeois.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Netflix shifting focus away from DVDs to streaming
It’s no secret to anyone familiar with what Netflix has endured in the last few months that the online rental business is on the defense.
Netflix’s current damage control strategy is all about focusing on digital streaming subscriptions and backing off from pushing by-mail DVD rentals. We’re still a long ways off from Netflix giving up on DVDs entirely, but it might not be that long until DVDs fall into the shadows — at least from a marketing perspective.
See also: Netflix’s debacle continues: Fourth quarter outlook horrid
“The future is brightest by focusing on streaming,” asserted CEO Reed Hastings during a Q&A conference call with investors on Monday. When asked about discounting hybrid DVD-streaming subscriptions, Hastings acknowledged that Netflix could do that, but there isn’t as much interest in subsidizing DVDs in comparison to discounting streaming.
Hastings went so far as to compare DVD by-mail rentals now to what AOL dial-up Internet subscriptions became in the late 2000s: a long-term residual market with variable costs that is steadily declining every year.
CFO David Wells added that the long-term margin for streaming will be driven by how many competitors Netflix has, but he anticipates that the growth of streaming subscribers to outpace content addition over the next year.
“Netflix is not the only service that our subscribers use to source their entertainment,” Wells acknowledged, confirming that many subscribers that also use other rental services such as Redbox to supplement content.
Hastings also responded about the competition, posting that the digital streaming industry will clamor around promoting exclusive deals more and more
“Relative to paid television, it’s not a zero-sum game,” Hastings said. “Many people, including me, subscribe to HBO because it’s got incredible content, in addition to Netflix.”
However, Netflix executives replied that they had not seen any impact from new products from competitors — specifically Dish’s Blockbuster Movie Pass or Amazon Instant Video.
Reflecting the loss of 800,000 customers during the third quarter that stemmed from price hikes and the Qwikster debacle, Hastings admitted that when budgets are tight, consumers figure out a hierarchy of the ones they want to keep most.
The goal for Netflix, Hastings posited, is to win those customers, touting Netflix’s “pure on-demand experience” with personalized features that make it easier to discover content one might not have known exists.
“The focus for us is building back our reputation and brand strength,” Hastings concluded. “But that’s not through grand gestures.”
Netflix’s current damage control strategy is all about focusing on digital streaming subscriptions and backing off from pushing by-mail DVD rentals. We’re still a long ways off from Netflix giving up on DVDs entirely, but it might not be that long until DVDs fall into the shadows — at least from a marketing perspective.
See also: Netflix’s debacle continues: Fourth quarter outlook horrid
“The future is brightest by focusing on streaming,” asserted CEO Reed Hastings during a Q&A conference call with investors on Monday. When asked about discounting hybrid DVD-streaming subscriptions, Hastings acknowledged that Netflix could do that, but there isn’t as much interest in subsidizing DVDs in comparison to discounting streaming.
Hastings went so far as to compare DVD by-mail rentals now to what AOL dial-up Internet subscriptions became in the late 2000s: a long-term residual market with variable costs that is steadily declining every year.
CFO David Wells added that the long-term margin for streaming will be driven by how many competitors Netflix has, but he anticipates that the growth of streaming subscribers to outpace content addition over the next year.
“Netflix is not the only service that our subscribers use to source their entertainment,” Wells acknowledged, confirming that many subscribers that also use other rental services such as Redbox to supplement content.
Hastings also responded about the competition, posting that the digital streaming industry will clamor around promoting exclusive deals more and more
“Relative to paid television, it’s not a zero-sum game,” Hastings said. “Many people, including me, subscribe to HBO because it’s got incredible content, in addition to Netflix.”
However, Netflix executives replied that they had not seen any impact from new products from competitors — specifically Dish’s Blockbuster Movie Pass or Amazon Instant Video.
Reflecting the loss of 800,000 customers during the third quarter that stemmed from price hikes and the Qwikster debacle, Hastings admitted that when budgets are tight, consumers figure out a hierarchy of the ones they want to keep most.
The goal for Netflix, Hastings posited, is to win those customers, touting Netflix’s “pure on-demand experience” with personalized features that make it easier to discover content one might not have known exists.
“The focus for us is building back our reputation and brand strength,” Hastings concluded. “But that’s not through grand gestures.”
Monday, October 24, 2011
Today autumn leave to pat or invite Wu Yan
Technology fictional associated with Sino-US within tranquility item ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” introduced within Beijing the actual autograph is created a scheduled appointment along with lately, the actual movie associated with technology fictional movement associated with humanity associated with large battle associated with the field of biology of the celebrity away from ministry is actually getting fight variety of effective primary acting professional: Heroine locking mechanism chooses Artist motion in order to celebrity — “MBT footwear clearance biochemical turmoil ” heroine grain draws Wei Ji associated with · Qiao Wo, as well as leading man qualifying criterion through ” strike an automobile ” Ruian Philip bears the actual acting professional crucial hyperlink. Sq . throw associated with brief length didn't choose within, however don't get rid of in order to request the shine associated with for example Wu Yan ancestor, Zhang Ziyi in order to celebrity.
Focus on is going to be patted ” abnormity ” the actual traditional manufacturing such as simply is actually recognized whenever meeting with, reveal, the actual Sino-US within tranquility which relation very first technology fictional because subject material item, ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” inform regarding following 2030, the actual human being inside battle which confronts power turmoil develops within strength, whenever this really is baffled, the first is known as Shipaxi Lashensi’s searcher, generate ” Aoluola ” day celebrity naval charter boat makes its way into aerospace to find brand new power assets. It's whilst their own outcomes is actually surprizing, the actual abnormity the field of biology from the incredible entire body outdoors originating from, triggered the disaster in order to human being end up being callous. Talk about movie topic, maker conveys, ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” the actual technology fictional motion that's a design item, “Film recommend accomplished objective would be to jim 1 ministry like ” Yin Yi monster ” as well as ” abnormity ” the actual traditional movie which has enduring appeal by doing so ”. Within movie, can easily see Tune associated with specifically great impact, motion, Jing, adore not just, the world from the celebrity outdoors nevertheless may viewing, betray, give up, conserve await a style. A type of the task that there's to become completed impossibly within movie, lethal as well as mechanised computer virus, acedia mutiny along with a give up the feminine which every thing can come to safeguard the actual humanity. Heroine ” wealthy two era ” conserve globe through ” the actual fifth component ” humanness is actually set eye on, appear ” biochemical turmoil ” ” 3 firelock hands ” completely reputably, grain draws unusual set up associated with sizing.
Qiao Wo yourself Artist ” behavior woman celebrity ” placement. Based on ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” within sq . maker Ruan Wenwen presents, maintain ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” within, exactly what grain draws personate is really a 1000 bits of precious metal of the haggard hundreds of thousands on hundreds of thousands plute, it's initially flimsy as well as exactly what the actual feeling modifications is actually wealthy household a lot of bits of precious metal, within film closing, presume employment which battle using the extraterrestrial as well as will save the actual humanity nevertheless. The reason why in order to go up pursuit airship regarding the woman's, nevertheless can't reveal briefly. Draw exactly what sizing associated with · Qiao Wo surprises to become listed on into grain, item simply saying the actual co-operation along with the woman's holds true is actually ” chime within very easily ”, the actual grain which simply because venture out, offers carried out movie associated with movement associated with a lot ministry technology fictional is actually drawn intercourse attractiveness, haggard so what can strike once again is actually idiosyncratic along with item within the determine associated with heroine unique end up being similar. Even though consider activity due to maintain, can't arrive The far east, however grain is actually drawn or even specifically transmits movie, within movie, your woman conveys: “Hope The far east target audience may look like preference ” biochemical turmoil ” ” Yin Yi monster ” such as this film by doing so. ” reveal associated with display associated with most of outside pats within The far east which leading man qualifying criterion through behave due to heading out ” strike an automobile ” the actual Ruian Philip which waits for that movie being well-known assumes, their good looking as well as smart look and also the overall performance which are filled with deepness as well as pressure permit the overseer really worth. Simply reveal based on manufacturing, outdoors getting rid of top part associated with man as well as woman, nevertheless may request 9 behavior celebrity to include the best choice of the connections to do something. Regarding within the ginseng associated with sq . acting professional works the situation, item simply convey, may select determine British associated with great, conference, experienced much better have experienced over time item the actual acting professional associated with encounter, for instance Jin Chengwu, Wu Yan ancestor, Zhang Ziyi, Liu Yifei, but additionally don't get rid of conference reinstate newlywed individual. Stunning sq . maker exhibits suggestion reinstate newlywed individual, simply because ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” market the us dot to become lacking celebrity, as well as within technology fictional, catastrophe as well as behavior specifically great impact. Present, the task for example picture associated with movie acting professional select, perform personnel selecting additionally afoot, forecast may this season fall switchs about the cell phone officially. Included in this, outside floor apart from United states Louisiana town, nevertheless consist of lots of locations for example funnel associated with 9 stockaded town, Gansu Land. Item within 75% may movie within The far east towards the display reveal associated with 85%, numerous Chinese language well-known locations as well as historic websites nevertheless may come in perform. It's documented, this is proven within worldwide synchronism from following 12 months 2nd 1 / 2 of the entire year.
Focus on is going to be patted ” abnormity ” the actual traditional manufacturing such as simply is actually recognized whenever meeting with, reveal, the actual Sino-US within tranquility which relation very first technology fictional because subject material item, ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” inform regarding following 2030, the actual human being inside battle which confronts power turmoil develops within strength, whenever this really is baffled, the first is known as Shipaxi Lashensi’s searcher, generate ” Aoluola ” day celebrity naval charter boat makes its way into aerospace to find brand new power assets. It's whilst their own outcomes is actually surprizing, the actual abnormity the field of biology from the incredible entire body outdoors originating from, triggered the disaster in order to human being end up being callous. Talk about movie topic, maker conveys, ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” the actual technology fictional motion that's a design item, “Film recommend accomplished objective would be to jim 1 ministry like ” Yin Yi monster ” as well as ” abnormity ” the actual traditional movie which has enduring appeal by doing so ”. Within movie, can easily see Tune associated with specifically great impact, motion, Jing, adore not just, the world from the celebrity outdoors nevertheless may viewing, betray, give up, conserve await a style. A type of the task that there's to become completed impossibly within movie, lethal as well as mechanised computer virus, acedia mutiny along with a give up the feminine which every thing can come to safeguard the actual humanity. Heroine ” wealthy two era ” conserve globe through ” the actual fifth component ” humanness is actually set eye on, appear ” biochemical turmoil ” ” 3 firelock hands ” completely reputably, grain draws unusual set up associated with sizing.
Qiao Wo yourself Artist ” behavior woman celebrity ” placement. Based on ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” within sq . maker Ruan Wenwen presents, maintain ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” within, exactly what grain draws personate is really a 1000 bits of precious metal of the haggard hundreds of thousands on hundreds of thousands plute, it's initially flimsy as well as exactly what the actual feeling modifications is actually wealthy household a lot of bits of precious metal, within film closing, presume employment which battle using the extraterrestrial as well as will save the actual humanity nevertheless. The reason why in order to go up pursuit airship regarding the woman's, nevertheless can't reveal briefly. Draw exactly what sizing associated with · Qiao Wo surprises to become listed on into grain, item simply saying the actual co-operation along with the woman's holds true is actually ” chime within very easily ”, the actual grain which simply because venture out, offers carried out movie associated with movement associated with a lot ministry technology fictional is actually drawn intercourse attractiveness, haggard so what can strike once again is actually idiosyncratic along with item within the determine associated with heroine unique end up being similar. Even though consider activity due to maintain, can't arrive The far east, however grain is actually drawn or even specifically transmits movie, within movie, your woman conveys: “Hope The far east target audience may look like preference ” biochemical turmoil ” ” Yin Yi monster ” such as this film by doing so. ” reveal associated with display associated with most of outside pats within The far east which leading man qualifying criterion through behave due to heading out ” strike an automobile ” the actual Ruian Philip which waits for that movie being well-known assumes, their good looking as well as smart look and also the overall performance which are filled with deepness as well as pressure permit the overseer really worth. Simply reveal based on manufacturing, outdoors getting rid of top part associated with man as well as woman, nevertheless may request 9 behavior celebrity to include the best choice of the connections to do something. Regarding within the ginseng associated with sq . acting professional works the situation, item simply convey, may select determine British associated with great, conference, experienced much better have experienced over time item the actual acting professional associated with encounter, for instance Jin Chengwu, Wu Yan ancestor, Zhang Ziyi, Liu Yifei, but additionally don't get rid of conference reinstate newlywed individual. Stunning sq . maker exhibits suggestion reinstate newlywed individual, simply because ” astral naval charter boat Aoluola ” market the us dot to become lacking celebrity, as well as within technology fictional, catastrophe as well as behavior specifically great impact. Present, the task for example picture associated with movie acting professional select, perform personnel selecting additionally afoot, forecast may this season fall switchs about the cell phone officially. Included in this, outside floor apart from United states Louisiana town, nevertheless consist of lots of locations for example funnel associated with 9 stockaded town, Gansu Land. Item within 75% may movie within The far east towards the display reveal associated with 85%, numerous Chinese language well-known locations as well as historic websites nevertheless may come in perform. It's documented, this is proven within worldwide synchronism from following 12 months 2nd 1 / 2 of the entire year.
Friday, October 21, 2011
First Dates of Purl
She was too busy getting ready for her first day as an Aquatic Ecosystem Tweaker to worry about that at the moment though. Taking care of fish was completely different than rescuing her coworkers from carnivorous plants all day long, and hopefully it would be easier. Plus, she was right across the hall from Victor now and could flirt with him all day long if she wanted. Definitely a win-win.
After work she took Victor out on a date. They started with a nice dinner out.
They followed dinner with a walk around the nearby park.
Before they said goodnight, Purl snuck a kiss. They promised to hang out at work the next day during lunch.
When she got home, she was in such a good mood that she didn’t even mind fixing the computer. Really, it wasn’t so different than the useless contraptions she used to have to work with on a daily basis back at the lab.
The ghosts did seem to appreciate it.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Life Continues
Purl was promoted not long after returning to work. She now was doing top secret work for the government. It was quite an exiting step upwards!
In the meantime, Victor continued to fiddle with scrap down in the basement.
Sure, he occasionally set himself on fire. What inventor doesn’t? It was all part of the fun and the long tradition of inventing.
The next time her father showed up, Purl had lots of good news to relate to him.
In the meantime, Victor continued to fiddle with scrap down in the basement.
Sure, he occasionally set himself on fire. What inventor doesn’t? It was all part of the fun and the long tradition of inventing.
The next time her father showed up, Purl had lots of good news to relate to him.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
The Strangest Wal Mart Customer
Dear Mrs. Denner,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right away."
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fatal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Once again we cannot tolerate this behaviour in our store.
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right away."
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fatal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Once again we cannot tolerate this behaviour in our store.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
America vs. Russia
The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."
Friday, October 7, 2011
I Know This Laywer
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"
She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"
Thursday, October 6, 2011
CEO Party
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes. The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you."
The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"
Monday, October 3, 2011
EuroEnglish
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)